My heart hurts more then I've ever known it to hurt before. It has ached, it has morned, but it has never actually hurt like this before. I wrote this poem before I knew I would need it. I suppose God knew though.
Maybe what hurts the most is that everything that is going on right now is what God wants, as far as I can see.
I'm not acting out of emotion, I'm acting out of faith. For those of you who don't know how that feels, I'll give you this: "Pain is not the phrase to feel exactly how I do. Ache comes close but even so, its meaning is but crude."
Now, with that being said, here is the rawness of my heart.
When its in My Hands
by Sarah Faith, 12-21-06
Another break, another crack
all within my hands.
A tear, a heave, a sigh, my needs
all withered with my plans.
I hold them dear, every slice -
all crumbs and goods enclosed,
and watch as every porcelain piece
cracks with each tear down my nose.
"Lord! I'm careful, gentle, kind!
I've tried my best I swear!
So why is it that when its mine,
It gets broken when I share?"
Looking down, I take in view
the intricate detail
of every hue, of every charm
my hear had once entailed.
My eyes, they filled with tears again
as if they'd never cried,
as I held the pieces of
my most important of insides.
I hold them out to look again,
thinking of what I'd do,
Should I try some duct tape,
or this time, super glue?
I look up from my thoughts,
into familiar eyes,
And once again, I break down
as if I'd never before cried.
I held out my broken heart,
wrapped up in my soul,
"Lord I broke it again,
When I took it back to hold."
I handed it all over,
gently dropping piece by piece,
the heart that once was whole
that now needed fixed.
A tear dropped from His eye,
the same time one did mine,
and His told me of the pain
He knew, and more, inside.
He gently held my heart,
as His tear fell down His cheek,
and dropped with distinct aim
into my shattered mess with peace.
Before my very eyes,
I then saw with all form
my heart was being healed
as He reached out to my core.
"This will take some time, dear one,
but I will help and share
the burdens that you carry
with the worries and the cares.
Let Me hold your heart again,
and you will finally see
that sharing of your heart, My child,
is showing them to Me.
And then, maybe someday,
they will do the same,
they'll give their hearts back to Me,
again and again.
But remember one thing, Child,
when your heart is in My hands,
Your needs and dreams
will far exceed, all your hopes and plans.
I'm hoping that all this will be as Myrrh unto God.
"When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
when sarrows and sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast tought me to say
even so, it is well with my soul."