I've been so interesting lately, to myself.
Its true though. I'm interesting myself so much these days; not because I'm conceited (as you may all have figured out how full my myself I am by now *eye roll and sarcastic accent*)
Now, do NOT get me wrong, but I was flipping through a marriage book out of curiosity put out by Focus on the Family (it wasn't about marriage per say, but more like what it takes to know that you and your spouse to be are ready to "tie the knot") and it said that you shouldn't marry before you're at least 24 because you won't know yourself well enough and you probably won't be mature yet.
I honestly do not believe an ounce of that concerning myself.
What bothers me is that people who are at least 20 years my senior try to convince me that I have absolutely no idea who I am yet.
Perhaps this is based on the fact that most kids my age do NOT have themselves figured out by now. However, I am NOT part of the majority. Since the time of my infancy I have been strangely different.
My first words were "beautiful" and "mommy" haha.
I loved to read. I still do. Tell me that in itself is not different from most of the people my age today! Haha.
No, but see, I am different. I think about things beyond my parents' comprehension. Mom and Dad usually never get my more complicated poems. They never hear some of the things that really run through my head. Most people don't. I think about personalities and how each once is a mirror of what God must be like.
I think about God in His entirety and come to terms with my own acceptance that I'll never actually be able to take Him in the entirety that I try to conceive.
Each time I think about these different things, I grow inside. I don't grow out of my comfort zone, I grow IN from it. So far in that I am neither quite comfortable because I'm so far in, or at all severely UNcomfortable because I am no longer exactly IN my comfort zone.
I like having Invictus.
I like having an uncomfortable spirit.
I wasn't made for this world. I hate this place. It will never be home to me.
My home is with God. I am His Child, and He is my Father. He is my Brother. He is my Friend. He is my Lover. He is mine. And yours, in the same way if you have accepted Him.
But the truth is, this world has become so full of itself that it is nearly impossible for it to have any depth to it whatsoever.
Sure, when musicians write from the depths of their soul, its intense. But how deep does it really go?
It merely goes as deep as his feelings go, and thats not very deep. Feelings are fleating and change ever day, every hour, and even every minute.
What foundation is that?!
Feelings don't have anything to do with one's heart.
What happens or IS in one's heart is set. It is where you either LOVE someone despite your feelings, or you do NOT love someone at all, and merely like them as long as they make YOU feel good.
NOW we're getting somewhere.
But thats MY reasoning.
The world is very much a wuss when it comes to facing raw reality head on.
It doesn't want to face the fact that there's bigger deeper, harder, rawer issues that must be dealt with so it says, "its all in the feelings. The feelings are what relates the depths of our souls." And I say thats why so many people drown out the truth with drinks or numb it with highs because they can't fully convince themselves that its the truth.
In fact, thats exactly what happens.
The capability and the capacity that we have as humans is just as deep as the idea that there IS in fact a natural human law that says that there IS some form of decency beyond us and that is Good, and that there is some form of INdecency and that it is Bad.
But we don't want to admit that, because we can't even admit that we're deeper than we really are.
And why would we want to? What would be the point of being deeper if there is no reason to be? What?! We have no purpose to be anyway, right?
I have my truth, you have yours. There is no right or wrong. Just go by what you feel at the moment. THAT is whats right anyhow, right?
they're ALL lies.
It is all one big ploy to pull the blinds over peoples eyes to make them think that they are nothing more than inteligent animals who have no better purpose in life then to have sex and feel good, whether you are considerate of those around you and THEIR feelings, let alone their BEINGS, or not.
If it feels good, do it.
I mean hey, with THAT phylosophy, its okay to gun down your school.
Its okay to rape little 14 year old girls and then kill them.
Its okay to hit and run.
Its okay to kill your baby, whether it is born or not.
Its okay to go against natural law of sexuality (yes, men were not meant to have relations with eachother and neither were women. If this were meant to be, there would only be females or males on this planet, and the ANIMALS wouldn't care WHO they attracted so long as they FELT good, right?)
Its okay to dictate a country (ooh, now we're getting painful)
its okay to treat women like worms.
Its okay to burn people alike and set them on crosses through your gardens for light and entertainment.
sick, isn't it?
Yet, its very much okay.
What used to be right is now rediculed by those who want the freedom to do what they please.
Yet, they argue that we should all be open to others beliefs.
So when I, a liberal soul do something out for the cause of Christ, I am called narrow minded and religious.
But when a gay person screams about rights, he is encouraged and supported because he speaks out.
Both are liberal.
Only one gets the right to speak without being told he is biased.
Isn't it intersting that humanity leans so far into shallow puruit of ones own desires but cannot even begin to accept the idea of serventhood and beauty.
Sex used to be beautiful.
Now, it is merely a controversy and casual. It is no longer sacred.
And then those who choose to hold on to some form of morals are so strange in the eyes of their peers.
why? because depth cannot be fathomed in a world where it hidden from the eyes of those who live in it.
Feelings hold no meaning without depth.
Otherwise, they leave you numb and in search of more, because deep down you know that you can be more then you are.
This is what the world is.
This is what I am not.
I would get married at 19 if it were God's will for me.
And I would know myself then.
I know myself now.
I am not of this world.
I am God's in every way.
And I am peculiar. But I am treasured.
"who can know the thoughts of God? Your ways, O Lord are far above my ways. Your thoughts are not our thoughts. Who can know the thoughts of God, but God Himself?"