I still jump when he gets on...

has nothing to do with my title *eye roll*. I figured I'd just jump on the bandwagon of people who write pathetic subject titles.

I guess I can say, first, that the pictures on this site, say a thousand things about me. Its who I've sort of become. The pictures on my myspace are all who I was. Who I was for the time that I was. I guess I'm a little more serious now, though I will have to say my sense of humor hasn't changed. My hair still gets messy and hard to work with... my guitar needs new strings before they go on their first year, and I have no voice because I spent it yelling at the tv screen last night somehow feeling justified by my contributation of frustration and ventation towards the brown.... I mean OSU.
I've learned alot about myself that I didn't know before this year.

The secret to making me putty is to play with my hair and give me a head massage. Back rubs, shoulder rubs and back scratches just don't do it.

I supposedly come across as hard to get. I never knew this before I began working. I make decisions that kill me, but are better for those around me then anything that could ever effect me. I never knew that until this last year. I'm an influence to lots of kids. I never knew this until I took a back seat and began to run the lyrics system in contrast to being on stage or leading a jr. high girls cell.

My oppinion counts. ... sometimes. I'm learning that the more and more I gain humility and let myself be corrected by those older than me, I gain a respect that I usually never get from adults.
Make-up and clothes are not all there is to beauty. I learned this when I took time off from makeup and wore the same jeans for a week.

Leading worship is a very priviladged position before the Lord. ... and that the second you think its all about you, you'd better get off that stage and get on your knees, because when it all comes down to it, whether you have a beautiful voice, you're amazing at guitar or drums or whatever, OR not, we're all the same in front of the foot of the cross: sinners.
Responsibility comes with freedom. Sure! You can drive.... but NOW you have to pay for insurrence... and gas, and any OTHER repairs that come with owning a vehicle.

I can make my own decisions about my friends. I used to be friends with everyone. Then again, I was also usually a doormat. Not anymore.
I don't need crap in my life right now. I CAN distance myself from the younger kids. why? Because I'm not one of them anymore. I need to worry about bigger things like, "should I be in this relationship right now?" and "Where do I go from here?" and "How am I going to support myself?".
As well as, "How does this all line up with God's will for my life?"

Character is IT. I've learned that its not the big things that matter, God, its the LITTLE things! Why can't anyone get that?
Its the attitude one carries AFTER a trying situation, not all the time before.
Its about being discerning and not believe everything you hear... whether its YOU saying something or someone else.
Its about doing what you need to like laundry and cleaning your room.
Its about doing the things you DON't need to, and just being a help, even if noone ever sees it.

I think I've been growing up a bit this last year. I've been discovering a self that knows things, that understands things, and yet, she's only better because of it. No, quieter is a better word. I'm quieter because of it. I'm a little stronger, and a little tougher. I sort of wish my future husband could see me right now... I think he'd be proud. Course, it would have to be him right when he's about to marry me, because if it was him now, I don't think he'd care much. I sort of wish he could. I guess I'll be praying that God gives me the most thoughtful guy there is. heh. thats comforting.

well the thought, and the fact that I'm writing about this sort of thing again. Its been a good long while since I've had a point where I truly long for the guy God has for me... but I guess God has something different in mind right now. Its okay. I've also learned how to be content in all the circumstances around me. God's peace is the only thing that makes it all okay to be where I am right now. I won't say I don't cry alot. I won't say I don't hurt alot. I won't say I don't care alot. I'd be lying in extreme ways. I will say that I think I'm getting the hang of taking joy in my trials. I have to take it in order to have it. And I think I got the joy down in my heart, even if its not so evident in my eyes right now.
Its okay. God is my very present help. He is all I need right now. If that is all I grasp through all of this, then I would be okay with that.

I really would.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:15