Absence makes the heart grow....and grow and grow and grow.

I'm not even sure what I'm going to write.

Its been an awful long time since I've bared my soul in this page.

I must say though, I am ready to.

Many of you know that I've been busy just trying to graduate, and I have! I've passed, I have my deploma and I'm ready to hit the world with my best shot.

I think the Enemy said the same thing when I graduated.

He's tring to hit me with HIS best shot.

Around the biginning of the year, I told God I wanted to be tested.

As I turned 18, He promised me that I would be.
I really didn't know on WHAT He would be testing me with. I'm learning very quickly what it is though.


Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and relational.

I've never been so hit up on before by the same senerio or situation in such a small period of time before in my LIFE!
Its unbelievable!
I deal with the same thing over and over again until I finally get up the guts to stand up for myself!

6 months ago, I never would have been able to handle thing.

Today, I have a hard time handling this. My life is so full right now, and yet its exactly where God wants it right now.

I have two jobs, I pay my bills, I'm about to own my first car completely, I'm going to camp as a counseler next week, I have my little circle of friends that pretty much consist of less then a handful. I'm in a relationship (which, by the way, relationships aren't what they're cracked up to be: its all about working on them and being selfless. Wow, talk about trusting God! Different story.)I'm about to begin a two year intern program where I'll end up with pastoral credentials. I'm raising my standards as a leader and as apart of the church staff.

I'm cracking down, man!
I don't have too much time to be a kid anymore!

Don't get me wrong...
by most standards, I still AM just a child.
I'm ready to be more though.

I'm 18. I'm going to start acting like the young woman of God He has called me to be; not saying I haven't been trying to do just that for the last 2 years of my life anyway.

I don't know though.

Could you guys pray for me? I need it more then I think I've ever needed it in my life.

I'm a screwed up daughter of sinners. I AM a sinner.

But by the Grace if Jesus Christ, I am no longer a child of this world, I'm a Daughter of the King.

I don't know about you, but for me? That brings me to my knees in tears. I'm not diservant of this sort of love... and yet Its mine anyway.

I guess you live, you mess up, and you learn.

thats what I'm doing right now.

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Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:15