You are the One True thing: I give this day to You.

Okay, I haven't written in a while, but I'd like to let everyone know what my life is all about.

There are two songs that hit me where I am right now, bulls eye, snap and lock.

"One Real Thing" by skillet

Speak, and my heart starts aching
Reach, and the numbness dims
Beat, still my minds uncertain
Breathe, it begins again

You are the One Real Thing
You are the One True Thing that I know
You are the One Real Thing
No matter what the future brings
You're the One Real Thing

Stay, locked within Your presence
Truth, renew in my mind again
Rest, cuz I know You're faithful and I
Trust, cuz I know Your name


You are the One Real Thing
You are the One True Thing
No matter what the future brings
You're the One Real Thing

I get down on my knees and I
Feel Your love wash over me (One Real Thing)

Speak, and my heart starts aching
Reach, and the numbness dims
Beat, still my minds uncertain
Breathe, it begins again, again...


I get down on my knees and I
Feel Your love wash over me (One Real Thing)



"This Day" -Audio A

It's six A.M
I'm so tired
The alarm sounds
And the new day begins
Before I go
And disturb this peaceful moment
I look to You

[CHORUS:]
I want to say a prayer
Before my feet can hit the ground
Lord I give this day to You

I'm amazed how You forgive me
Yesterday seems so far behind
It's a brand new day
And every day's a new beginning
I look to You

[CHORUS]

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breathe in
And watch the day begin
I wanna watch the day begin



These songs are the epitomy of my life right now.

I'm begining to see something of a fresh new craziness in my somewhat mondane life: Its that God is REAL, I am real, and that it all starts new, every brand new day.

My life?

Its about being a servant. Not about being served.

Its about being humble, even at the risk of humiliation. Not about being righteous within myself.

Its about being Jesus' hands and feet. Not about what I want to do.

Its about taking a stand and being without shame. Not about being a silent witness.

Its about a fervant, quiet, faithful spirit. Not about immature zeal.

Its about Jesus. Not about me.


He's so real. I've never known Someone so real before. He's the ONE True thing that I know. All else falls, fades, fails. But He's forever. These past 7 weeks have been the most real weeks of my life. Its been painful. Its been memorable beCAUSE of the pain. Its been a stretch of my soul, yet as daily and simple as the stretch and snap of a rubberband. Thats how normal my life is.

AND YET.

And yet it has been the newest form of life I have ever known.

I don't know who loves me for real ... EXCEPT the One Real Thing I know. Jesus.

I don't know where I'll go after this ... EXCEPT that every morning, I get up, grab my Bible, get some coffee or tea, and head for the dining room table.

I don't know what promises still ring true or who'll still be around after the rubber meets the road ... But I DO know that Jesus is the ONE true thing in my life. He's what I'll rely on. He's all I need.

I have every reason to be here in this place again. Its just me and God, and I'm finally being transparent with myself. Yeah, I can be a brat. sure. But every day I'd rather not be. I'd rather be like Jesus. Actually, I can't get away from this awe-ful truth. I've made Him the center of all I do. Everything I do HAS to revolve around Him, because THATS what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I hate that I'm still dying to myself. The things I HATE doing, I do anyway, and the things I WANT to do, I WONT! I'm so afraid of change over and over again. I hate change.

I NEED change. There's no way around it.

God! I can be SO ugly inside!

I'm an emotional gypsy.

I'm a mental gypsy.

I AM a gypsy.

I don't belong anywhere, here on earth. I'm a reformed gypsy, really.

Instead of taking, I try to give. Instead of isolation out of prejudice, I STAND out because I'm not MEANT to fit in as a daughter of the most High.

I make do with what I have, and I'm pretty happy with it. A Creative Mind. A argumentative soul. One thats for ALL or nothing. Is black and white and yet sees the gray. On the ROCK I will stand, out in the rain. Painful, fearful, needful hands. Busy body beaten down to stillness by comand.

stillness.

silence.

I don't fear silence anymore.

I used to.

...still do sometimes.

I've been called fearless.

Are they serious?!

They must not notice my heart beating loudly within my chest.

They must not know that its a fearful thing to be CHOSEN to lead, not taking the lead.

I hide from leading, you know.

I'd much rather be in the backgrounds.

I'm scared to speak in front of believers about my Jesus. Yet I have no problem speaking to complete strangers about my passions.

Who is this weirdo I find I am?

Seriously?




And yet, I know it.

Here stands before a woman who is willing to stand; Begging for God to prepare her to let go of this world and hold on to the next.

Willing to be torn to peices for His name sake - scared to death that she could be, keeping her hearts declaration wordless - full of heart.



aaahhhg.



poetic maybe? or just a jumble of words.

yes.

a jumble of words that make up my life.

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Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:15