Risky Praying is all I Have to Give


Isn't He wonderful? Isn't He beautiful?


Remedy by David Crowder Band. When I sit back to really listen to it, it takes me back to a little place, on the long of a row of chairs at my old church, waiting for worship to begin at a young adult service. I remember being so calloused but so weary and so exhausted. And I laid there and this song began to pound into the very beating of my heart as the soft, child-like tune began.

It made me a child.

And as I became that child as the tune continued, the words struck my very, very, hurting spirit.

Here we are,
Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are



I listened, like a dear in the headlights.
I was caught.
He saw me.


I cried, painful, very distinct tears that moment, before the Lord.
He saw me.






Its so easy to forget who God's been to you when its going okay and you're emotionally alright.

But just because we're emotionally alright doesn't mean that our spirit is okay.

I'm still that child.

Does anyone remember Twila Paris's The Warrior is a Child?

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armour is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
The Warrior is a Child



I feel like I've come home for a while, from the battle. And some things have changed, and others haven't.


I see that I'm a different person because of all I've experienced. I have so much to see yet. So much to learn. So much to grow.

I'm so just 20.


But I'm His. And I've definitely gotten a few battle scars. God knows how many more I'll continue to accumulate.


But the thing is...

I am this child.



I can't even imagine, if I've hurt so deeply before, what it must be like to live a life where that hurt is all you know, and to never know that God is with you.

How many people believe that they're alone?




My heart swells, my eyes hurt.



God? Do all that You will. Allow all that You have planned. Let me be like You to the people around me.
Break me down. Build You up.

sigh.


I know that's a considerably risky prayer.

That's why I prayed it.


I've got an eternity to be what God wants me to be. But I've got only a lifetime to learn it.

Risky prayers is all I have to give.



:)

2 comments:

  1. Sarah- I really like that David Crowder song too. He has a knack for saying extremely profound things in ways that are so simple that it cuts right to the heart. And I may not be a huge fan of Twila Paris, but that song from way back in the day is also powerful.

    By the way, thanks for the (first ever) comment on my blog! It was like a sneak preview of your next entry. This whole orphan heart thing gives me a lot to think about. I think my next entry will probably be somewhat related to that too.

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  2. Hey Sarah!
    I can totally relate to what you're talking about. It's so cool that when we feel broken down and helpless, He is there with open arms. Thanks for posting this!!

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Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:15