At the door of Will.
That is where I find myself these days. Its lovely. Its terrifying. Its where God has me.
I went back and read one of my own poems from about 4 years ago because when I thought of my first sentence for this entry, I could only think of being at the door of my own will.
And then, to follow that thought, the question lies in whether I'm entering IN to my own will, or if I am exiting. And the thought even proceeding THAT thought is: if I'm going in, is that wrong, or if I'm leaving, where AM I going?!
The thing is, we're already in our own will as human beings. Its when we are presented with a NEW will that we have to decide what we are going to do. But either you're stuck in the same old-same old of the room of your own will unless you choose something else: and THAT something else is the will of the Father.
So when I picture being at the door of will, I'm actually picturing standing at exit of mine, and on the threshold of His.
But to be honest, I KNOW I'm in His will. I absolutely do. What I've been having revelation of in the last few days is that EVERY DAY we find ourselves at the door of Will. Every DAY we can either choose our own way, or we can choose the way of the Lord. Every day we choose these things.
I love AND HATE how we go back to "start" every morning. I LOVE it for all the obvious reasons. I only hate it because my flesh desires the credit of yesterdays revelation.
But every day is new. Every day we start back at ground "0" and every new morning is an invitation to "ENTER" into the Will of the Father, which, contrary to my little secluded, one-tracked and single-roomed will, is a GALAXY of adventures waiting to happen!
I've always wondered what it felt like to be side-swiped by the Lord. What it might feel like if He took my word for it when I said I would need to be knocked upside the head with His spiritual 2 by 4's.
Hehe. Its intense. Its adventurous. Its .... dangerous. Its like walking a tightrope - exhilarating yet only done by grace. And its that grace that makes the tightrope like a four-foot wide board, in some regards.
But I find that as I step into this new season of my life, I'm stepping into an accepting of His invitation to live LITERALLY: ON THE EDGE. To walk a path where ANYTHING can happen. Absolutely anything! And to be shaken of the fear of my OWN desires which (though I had always worried would overwhelm other people) coincidentally, more so overwhelm ME than anyone else.
I'm seeking His face. I want to know what it is to have God's words like fire in my mouth. I want to have such a deeply ingrained passion for the things and the Words of God that I can feel it in my bones - with every STEP and every move of the joints, that I would feel the passion of God's heart burning IN ME.
I ACHE for the day when faith shall be sight.
I ache for the day when my soul's imaginations of being in the arms of my Father are not only reality, but multi-dimensionally MORE real then what is tangible in this life time!
Oh how I ache for it!!!
And though I am called to all contentedness, I am also called to contend for that which is not seen.
But I want to see it.
I want to SEE the Will of the Father. Not just feel it.
I want to be a See-er in the spirit. I want to see and then to speak it.
Man. I'm not kidding. This is the deepest cry in my heart and it is worth saying no to a few meals and nice things to obtain it.
It is soooo worth it.
At the Door of Will
by Sarah Faith
"You - you are Mine - come to Me."
Father, are You calling?
Silence - or was I really listening?
"You - come to Me - I chose you. Stand out from the rest."
Father, have You called me?
No, it mustn't be, for I am non for best.
"You - Child. It is you - chosen. You will complete My Will."
Father...is that You. God?
"Child! How I love you, come to me!"
Love - silence - will I choose to go or did I ever listen?
Waiting - stillness -pleading - longing - patience.
Will you choose to listen?
"I love you Child - for I stand at the door knocking.
Will you let me in?"