"Looking up through her lashes she settled her gaze upon a horizon promising hills and mountains and valleys silhouetted by a creatively splashed, evening sky. Opening wide her arms she cried, "Ah! My friends!" and continued forward, skipping securely on the heights."
What does the Lord have for me?
Man, I've been asking this question for years, and the answer usually comes with the seasons. AND ... its always changing. It seems like God has a LOT for me.
Its been a very difficult season, certainly. Its funny to me because people who see, hug me in a massive, enveloping embrace and look at me with shining eyes and whisper, "God is doing a deep work in your life, girl. Oh He is...." and then, with a burst of delightful, joyous chuckling, I'm hugged again.
Its wonderful! Except for one thing: I don't feel it or see it at all. Its nice that everyone ELSE can, but as for me? My life is just one big compression of pressure and stress.
A few months ago I was fighting the Lord about why I was feeling this way, but TODAY... I'm like very flexible clay. I just... whatever.
Whatever He wants - whats the point in fighting back? Its better just to give in, and embrace the change.
Embrace the journey.
The Lord is healing my heart some more.
In fact, lets just stop at that one word: More.
This is the word for me this year.
There are a few instances last year that really surround this idea that God wants to instill in me, in 2011.
Both actually have to do with food, haha.
One Sunday after church, I went out to eat at Subway with a few friends. Now, I like EXTRA tomatoes and EXTRA cucumbers which, of course I asked for. Except when I asked for extra, they gave me the normal amount. So, I asked for more, which upon request, they added ONE more slice of each. This would not do...as, when I say more, I MEAN more. So I asked for more.
My girlfriend found this funny and brought it up later. I would have totally forgotten the whole ordeal, otherwise.
Then, a few months later, I went to Chipotle on a whim. Once again, for whatever reason, they weren't just heaping it on. I had to ask for more ... of practically everything, lol! And this really only happens at MY local Chipotle, really. I hadn't said anything before, but this time through, I finally snapped a little. When I stinken pay for this thing, I want my money's worth! I want more!
And it hit me.... I've been settling for whats been handed to me in my life, and I've been paying full price for it when I'm not really satisfied with what I end up with.
And the Lord spoke one word into my heart: MORE.
Stop settling and ask for more.
"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. "For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? "Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Luke 11:9-13
A prophetic word was spoken over me about a year ago and the word was, "God wants you to know that God is the God of the MORE THAN."
Who would have known that My life would begin to take shape around this new paradigm a year later.
So, I'm done settling. I'm done settling for mediocre purity. I'm done settling for lukewarm discipline. I need to start getting myself in motion. For the first time in my life - a relationship doesn't mean that I wait around to see where he'll lead me - it means that its a blessing in my life and if its supposed to work out, we'll be right on pace with one another, running after the Beauty of the Lord and His Kingdom calling! I'm not settling and I'm not stopping my growth.
I'm not going to be ashamed of my love for the Lord. And I'm going to let that flow out in everything I do. I won't settle for any less love in my life.
I won't settle for where I am. I'm not done growing, and I'm determined to go forward. I'm not home yet.
I was good for yesterday... but today, yesterday isn't good enough. I want more.
More of the Lord.
More of His Spirit.
More of His love in my life.
More of His love for others.
More of His vision.
More of His timing.
More of His wisdom.
More of His knowledge.
More of His ministry.
More of His heart.
And I will not settle - ever.
Weirdly enough, there's a lot of freedom in this - even though I feel like I'm being pressed on every side.
Possibly, this is what this season is supposed to do: squeeze out MORE of myself, and stretch out my appetite to take in MORE of Him.
Maybe I can feel His working in me after all.