Those Midnight Encounters
Have you ever had those moments when you look at the clock, its past midnight but there's business you know you have to do with God? Its those moments when your flesh tells you that you need 'so many' hours of sleep for your 'busy work day' ahead of you... which is busy EVERY day... But isn't God worth the lack of sleep for a day?
This week has been a major wrestling match with God. I'm an analyzer. I don't get my heart. I don't get my situations. And what it really comes down to is: I don't get God. I've been praying and thinking and analyzing and round and round my thoughts go, trying to come to SOME conclusion that makes sense. But nothing does, because I have a small and limited view.
So all of this came to a head between writing in my journal late at night while at work and then coming home and sitting on my bed - facing God in the dark. And boy did I have questions - and boy did I answer my own questions with answers that warrant MORE questions. And they're all old questions. They're all unanswered questions that may very well just have to do with my inability to trust God.
(And trust me - I don't. I trust Him a lot less than I'd like to admit. But that's part of the wrestle - admitting it.)
There's a song that actually embodies the very picture of my week. Nichole Nordeman wrote it years ago and I've always loved it. But it became my song in such a new way that I'd like to share it with all of you. Maybe it will bless some of you as well.
Where am I right now? I'm still waiting on answers... but I think God is still breaking me down because I'm not sure I'm ready to hear Him. I won't lie and say that I'm not a little afraid of what He'll say to me. Partly because - I don't want to have to have faith for something I don't see. But usually - thats what faith means. Haha - oh. Lord. Why did you name me this?
Grace and peace be with you through Jesus, - Sarah Faith